Healing Spiritual Abuse

Finding a spiritual connection after the narcissist

Domestic Abuse, Controlling Husbands, and The Bible

It is simply not true that you, beloved child of God, are less than your husband, or have fewer rights than he does, or that your life means less in the grand scheme of things than your husband’s view of what the Bible says.

Regardless of his view and his insistence that it is the only valid one because he’s the one reading the scripture at you hour after hour, you are a thinking, feeling, beloved daughter. You matter. Your desires matter. Your hopes and dreams are valid. If you are being hurt, you know it, because you can feel the pain. Do not allow this diminishment of yourself. It is not what God wants for you.

Spiritual and emotional diminishment of a husband by a wife is not just a bad habit of his. It is not a misunderstanding. He will not change his behavior or his thinking patterns,  because his bible-inspired misogyny is hardware in his head.  He is the only one who has anything to gain by refusing to admit it. 

You are a Christian woman too.  You’ve read that God hates divorce, but if your husband is a spiritual narcissist who is mentally and emotionally abusive, you have really got to consider what to do. God did not put anyone on this Earth to passively accept abuse, or another to destroy your spark or your love of life or your happiness. Why would He want you to waste your existence on walking on eggshells, diminishing yourself, dying to hope in the hopes of serving one human man> It’s frightening to confront, I know, but if a man is hurting you, outside of divine intervention ( to which the abusing spouse is blind and deaf, not you)  considering an exit — sooner rather than later — is the only possible way for you to get healthy again.

He will try to stop you. He will insist the problem is you; that you are flawed and do not understand how to be a wife, that you do not meet his needs and refuse to “submit” as you are ordered to do in the Bible. It is powerful stuff, almost overwhelming, but please remember three things:


1. Your husband is a MAN. He is not God and is not privy to the wishes or judgments of Our Savior to any greater degree than you are. You have an inner ear too. You have a heart made flesh too. You have a soul and destiny. And you are beloved without reservation by Jesus Christ. Any man who tells you you are failing as a wife because you aren’t obeying God is absolutely overstepping his bounds as both a husband and a Christian.

2. There is no such thing as a spiritual, or biblical authority. In God’s eyes not only are we all equal, we are all equally capable of discerning truth in Scripture. Your spiritual abuser will actually *read you the scripture ordering your diminishment and submission*, which is is kind of ironic, considering that the truth is that the *abuser* is the one who needs instruction and correction.

3. A spiritually abusive husband is worse than any other type of bully or domestic abuser, because he has hidden his abuse of you behind the Word of God, just the way Islamic Terrorist hide their violence behind the Koran. If you do not believe in violence in the name of God, you must examine why you are allowing it to be done to you in your own home.

The longer you allow this to go on, the worse it will become.

I barely escaped with my life from this man and the first thing I wanted to do when I got out was commit suicide. My heart and spirit were broken and my identity, hope and self-concept were completely destroyed. For years I did not pray to anyone or anything because my Spiritual Abuser told me I was praying to the wrong God.

Now think about that. He believes he is a spiritual authority. When you attempt to have a personal relationship with Jesus your controlling spouse is right there telling you are doing it wrong. In the meantime he is damaging, controlling, rageful, intent on destroying your sense of freedom, of security, of hope for yourself. The thing you might need more than anything with a spouse like that is Jesus Christ yet you’ve been cut off from Him in the very marriage that is supposed to be a reflection of Christian Love.

There is nothing more damaging than this. It is a tragedy. It is a loss. It is a crime. And you must not allow it to continue. Jesus *will* save you from your abusive spouse but first you have to look squarely at what is being done to you and realize that a life of unspeakable, soul-destroying emotional, mental and spiritual abuse ( and if it is physical, please start your plan *today*) is NOT a marriage in Christ.

And it is not your fault.


June 10, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

What is a Spiritual Narcissist?

A spiritual narcissist is a person who used the conferred power of God to usurp and control power for him or herself over the people, or populations, he wishes to claim purchase over. He is no longer serving the Lord — if he ever truly was — he is serving himself and his interests.

There are thousands of examples of this. You can call it what you like: the Guru Syndrome, the Fire and Brimstone Preacher, and you could stuff thousands of televangelists into the category if you were so inclined. Osama Bin Laden, who believed that he was doing his Lord’s will by murdering people who were not Muslims ( and quite a few people who were) was a Spiritual Narcissist.  So was Jim Jones, who brought a congregation out of San Francisco and into the jungles of Guyana to finally led them to a terrifying mass suicide that shocked the world.

To say these people are unwell is an understatement. To say they are crazy is obvious. But if you happen to be in the same family as a person like this — if you have a parent or sibling who constantly attempted to control and manipulate you in the name of God and in the process destroyed not only your faith in God but your heart and spirit — this is just as damaging, and is not exactly in the same category as having a pastor with such inclinations. That is, if the Narcissist has not somehow cut off all means of support, comfort and comparison from the outside world when you finally realize what has been done to you.

God help you if you are married to one.

June 10, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

You are a part of the Universe

No less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here.



June 10, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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June 10, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment